Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] You.
[00:00:03] Welcome to your wish fulfilled.
[00:00:08] This is a beautiful podcast to help you come into those wonderful feelings of all attainments where your wish has already been fulfilled, where you feel that truly you've attained everything, that you're in that beautiful state of happiness and freedom right now. Right now. And from that place, beautiful things will be attracted to you.
[00:00:39] Now, today we're talking about divorce, about ending relationships, about these challenging things that come up, and whether you're going through a divorce or a business relationship is ending, or a friendship is ending, or someone died, there's so many different ways we can end connections with people. And it can be emotionally disturbing, let's be honest about it, it can be very disturbing when people who are close to us leave our life, or we have to get out of situations or someone dies. I mean, there's so many ways this happens and it's happening all the time. I know so many people are going through breakups. I'm personally going through a divorce right at this moment and I'm very happy about it. To be perfectly honest, I'm very, very happy about it because it's part of the next phase.
[00:01:34] The truth is that when we hold a vision for our highest self and we feel that energy, then things line up in such a way that we manifest it. And if it means we have to get a divorce or we have to end something or we have to change something in a radical way, then that will happen.
[00:02:00] I've talked about this in other episodes, that this is the unfortunate and unspoken reality of manifestation, that things have to end in order to have new things happen. We can't just carry on the same way with the same people doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts, with the same amount of money, doing things in the same place, and expect to have a different life. Obviously things have to change, don't they?
[00:02:35] So divorce, breakups, it's messy business, it's unpleasant, it's emotionally draining, it doesn't have to be that bad, but it's certainly up there with some of the most challenging things in life.
[00:02:52] But we can say, look, what am I going to do about this? How am I going to approach this situation? Am I going to let it ruin my life?
[00:03:01] Or am I going to see it as an opportunity for growth and part of the journey?
[00:03:11] How we interpret the events that happen in our life is up to us.
[00:03:21] One of the bizarre things in life, because I've been spiritual life coach, helping people in various different ways for 25 years, so many thousands of clients and students, and I've come across relationship problems again and again and again, and people putting up with things and they complain about it. In fact, I was talking to someone about half an hour ago and she was telling me about her relationship, and it's just the same story I hear again and again from different people. The person's not showing up in a certain way and she doesn't feel happy about it and she feels trapped. And she's writing in her journal how awful it is and going to various coaching and therapy sessions and it's not working out, and then complaining again, and then months pass and same old thing and journal entries of pain and sorrow and think, well, why did this not end earlier? This is the big question we have to ask. How come we put up with this stuff?
[00:04:28] If we know something is toxic in one way or another, or unhealthy or not aligned, why are we putting up with it? We can't blame the other person, right? We can't say, oh, this person's so terrible.
[00:04:40] We need to ask the question, why was I willing to put up with that situation that I knew was bad for me for so long?
[00:04:54] The real pain I feel that we experience in these breakups isn't really the loss. Like, if someone dies and we love that person and they die unexpectedly, then we can feel that kind of pain of loss because someone we love has died, right? That's a different thing. But if we're in a situation where we're suffering and our needs aren't being met and things are not aligned and we're putting up with it, and then it ends, then we look back and say, why did I not end that sooner? What was going on in me that allowed that to continue even though I knew it was toxic and unhealthy?
[00:05:46] Now, this isn't a coaching session. This isn't a therapy session. This isn't a relationship session, right? This is a manifestation program.
[00:05:57] So this is just some things to think about in your own time. But we're going to now jump into what you can do about it. If you're going through a breakup of some kind, what are the steps to get out of it?
[00:06:10] The first thing is to recognize that everything happens for a reason.
[00:06:19] And the reason in most cases, is that there is a higher life awaiting you that can't happen until this old life ends or changes.
[00:06:35] There are certain lessons for you to learn. There are certain things to develop in yourself that can't happen in your current situation. That's why the thing has to end, right? That's what I'm personally experiencing. In order for me to go to the next level, this situation that I was in had to end and change. And I'm not holding grudges. I'm not getting into anything. There's no point me even thinking about all that.
[00:07:03] Certain things weren't aligned despite everyone's best intentions.
[00:07:08] So it's good, right? So everything's happening for a reason.
[00:07:14] That brings a lot of peace.
[00:07:17] A lot of peace, a lot of calmness.
[00:07:22] And curiosity. Curiosity. I wonder what is going on here. It's curious. Wonder. The wonder. The wonder. The wonder of Life is unfolding it. It's unfolding.
[00:07:38] The next thing is to recognize that we have certain visions and desires to remember them. What are they? What do you actually want? Just come back to that. Okay, so this is happening for a reason.
[00:07:53] Great. Okay, what do I want? What do you want?
[00:07:58] What are you wishing to bring forth in your life?
[00:08:02] Because if you think about what you've lost and what isn't working, then you're focusing on the wrong thing. If you focus on what you do want, then you will be pulled into the future and the future will pull you into itself.
[00:08:21] So what do you want to feel? It's worth writing down if you are ending a relationship, whether it's personal or business or friendships, or however it is, what do you want in a relationship?
[00:08:35] It's really, really helpful to write a list.
[00:08:39] I want to feel like this and I want to do this, and I want to connect with people in these ways. And these are their qualities. And interesting thing is that when you write down what you want, what you'll realize is that the person that you were with, who you are now, not with anymore, didn't have a lot of the things that you want and need. So it's a good job that it ended right then. You become happy with your decision or happy with the situation because you weren't getting what you wanted anyway. And here is this upgrade because we need to have something to focus on that is an improvement, whether it's a personal or business or however it is. What do you want to experience? How do you want to feel? What do you want to be doing with these different people in your life?
[00:09:31] And when you get clear about that, then you can open your heart to wonderful opportunities, to experience higher states of consciousness and to experience new relationships and new and better wonderful opportunities and experiences.
[00:09:56] Now here's a very essential thing to realize. What we tend to do is we think, I want to get all of my needs met from this person or these people. And we limit ourselves to this very small little group, right? Most of us do this.
[00:10:16] I have all these needs and I want this person to fill all of them. And of course we're going to get upset because there aren't many people like that around. And even if there are, then we'll get very attached to them. And what happens if they're not available, right? It's just not a good thing. It's much healthier for us to know what we need and want to recognize how much of that we can get from ourselves, first of all. So we're not needy about it from anyone else to get it from a higher power, right? That's the point of meditation. That's why I do meditations, to receive. So I feel I've already got it in myself and I'm receiving it from an unlimited source.
[00:10:54] And then when it comes to receiving and connecting with people physically in different ways, in various contexts in our life, how can we get our needs met from a variety of places? Like we need cooperation, we need love, we need attention, we need people to bounce ideas off. We need.
[00:11:16] Depending on what you want in your life, right? So if you write a list and you say, okay, I am open to receiving the things that I need from various people in various ways, right? In a healthy way, from various sources, then you can actually get your needs met quite easily because there's billions of people around and lots of people are good at one thing and they're not good at other things. But if you only connect with them about that one thing, then you're good to go, aren't you? Right? You're getting your needs met. You're having a healthy relationship because you're getting certain things in a certain way from certain people, and you're not expecting that same person to give you all this other stuff. This is normally why relationships fail, because we have unreasonable expectations that this one person is going to do everything for me and they can't do it, and then we get upset. But if you say, look, here's my list, here's what I need, here's what I want, and how can I get my needs met in many different forms from many different people? Then there's all these endless opportunities for you to get your needs met.
[00:12:25] So what I personally did is I wrote a list. I say, okay, this relationship has ended. And I'm happy about that because he wasn't working for me.
[00:12:34] Here's my needs from my heart, sincerely, right? Here's the things I can achieve on my own. And there's a lot of them. And in my own practices, I can feel good about a lot of things. And here are some practical things and some certain things that I really appreciate in relationships. And I'm open to receive this from various places.
[00:12:56] And I put this list inside a book, right?
[00:13:01] I wrote it down, put it in a book, and I forgot about it, right.
[00:13:06] A few months later, I went to the bookshelf and opened the book by chance, right? And I found that list. I'm not even sure where it is now, but it's probably still there somewhere.
[00:13:18] And I realized that I'd met new people who, amongst the new people I met, had fulfilled all of my needs in such a wonderful way that I'd never experienced before.
[00:13:31] I thought, wow, how fascinating. When I let go from expecting something from one person and I open up to experiencing lots of different opportunities from lots of different people, I'm in abundance of having my needs met, right. I'm thinking, wow, I'm so lucky. I'm so blessed.
[00:13:55] So it's really important to write down what you want, because then you will more likely get it and be open to receive it from various places in different ways.
[00:14:06] The third thing is to feel freedom and success now, to celebrate that you have already achieved it now, right? So instead of thinking, oh, what did I lose? Oh, this didn't work out. Oh, why didn't it work? Oh my gosh.
[00:14:27] Because I was talking to someone about this and she was still in that state all these months later. I've gone through some of that myself.
[00:14:34] It doesn't help. It really doesn't help if we're just screwing ourselves over and having negative feelings in our own being, right? Thinking about other people and why it didn't work out and this and that. It's not helping anyone.
[00:14:46] It's one thing to try and understand how we can improve ourselves and stop being silly people and making the same stupid mistakes again and again. That's fair enough. We don't want to repeat ourselves.
[00:14:57] That's quite handy. But there's no point ruminating and feeling bad and being in a victim and oh dear, oh dear. And this is not fair. And all this stuff. What's the point? Right?
[00:15:08] So if you find yourself going into that whole thing, then just say stop to your mind. Tell your mind, okay, can you please just stop that? Is it helping? No. Is it doing us any good? No, it isn't. How about you focus on freedom, you focus on success? How about you focus on feeling you've attained everything. How about you celebrate your new life so you talk to your mind and you say, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate your success in advance, that you're going to get all your needs met. You're going to have better experiences. You're going to manifest much better things. Everything's going to get better and better and better on so many different levels and focus on that, right? And then your mind can refocus on that and you will feel really, really good.
[00:16:02] And then you speed up the process of moving into this new phase of your life.
[00:16:12] I'm not saying this is easy, by the way, because the mind has a tendency to ruminate. Oh, why did she do that? Why did he do that? Why didn't this happen? How come it was like this and it's not right, but it's not helping. We have to control our thoughts. We can control our thoughts.
[00:16:33] It just requires us to say, stop and refocus and refocus again, and now and we have to be nice to ourselves. Don't beat yourself up. Don't get nasty about it. Don't become angry.
[00:16:50] Just say, I understand. It's all right. Let's just regroup and let's refocus on what we want. So you want to feel this and you want to have this. You want to experience this. And just the mind actually feels happier focusing on happy things.
[00:17:09] It just takes a bit of practice.
[00:17:13] So focus on what you want and then celebrate in advance. Yay. I'm free. Yay. Everything's getting better and better and better. Yay. I'm liberated from things that weren't working out for me. Hooray. Right? Hooray. Praise the Lord. Isn't it wonderful? However you want to say it to yourself, give thanks, give thanks, give thanks.
[00:17:34] And also give thanks for all the lessons that you learned in the past.
[00:17:40] And learn the lessons so you don't do it again. If you have good friends, hopefully you have good friends or sensible people around you or coaches or therapists or people who can help you, they will tell you, why were you putting up with that for so long? And how can you not do it again? Because a lot of these relationships, they're because of childhood traumas. They're because of looking at our parents and trying to copy them. And we don't realize we're doing this till it's far too late.
[00:18:15] Then we get in a relationship that's toxic, and then we play out past traumas from childhood and try and copy our parents. And then when we realize it's a disaster, we get out of it and then we do it again.
[00:18:29] Right? And we think, what's wrong with me?
[00:18:34] Why is this happening again and again and again? So we have to get some help from people who know what they're talking about, who can help and say, look, you need to look at this so you don't repeat the pattern.
[00:18:50] Right. Don't repeat it.
[00:18:53] Check it out. Realize what you're dealing with.
[00:18:58] If you are in an unhealthy relationship and you recognize it's unhealthy, and then you get out of it, and then next thing you know, you're in another relationship, and then you realize shortly afterwards, oh, my God, it's the same thing again.
[00:19:13] And then you get out of that one and you go, oh, no, I'm in the same thing again. Right. What's the use? That's such a waste of time. We need to learn the lesson. So along with knowing what you want, also recognize what you don't want, what you're not willing to put up with. Okay. Because if you don't clarify the things that you don't want, if you ignore this and if you say, oh, I'm just going to focus on what I want and I'm just going to leave it there, then you're quite likely to go unconscious at some point and then end up in a relationship and do it all again.
[00:19:56] So last step is to really look at this stuff.
[00:20:03] Know what you do not want, what are you not willing to put up with? What are you unwilling to tolerate? What sort of things are a red flag for you most of the time, and this has been my experience and this has been experienced of many other people, there are red flags, right? When you get into a relationship with somebody, right at the beginning, in the first day or first week or two, first month, there are obvious red flags and you notice them.
[00:20:37] But because of infatuation and because of chemicals and hormones and all this stuff, we say, oh, it doesn't mAtter, I'm sure it's all fine and they'll change and I'm not going to worry about that right now. Thank you very much.
[00:20:50] Yeah. And then you have to suffer the consequences of that down the road when those red flags continue to repeat themselves.
[00:21:02] Most people don't change very much. And just as a tip, if you want to get to know somebody, if you're thinking of getting into a new romantic relationship of some sort, meet the parents. Meet the parents. Because I know we don't like to hear this stuff, but we're all going to repeat our parents traumas unless we're really on top of things and even then, it's still probably going to happen. So if you see someone's parents and you look at their dynamic and you spend time with them, and you say, okay, how do the parents relate to each other?
[00:21:38] That's how they're going to relate to you. They're going to copy that. They're not going to mean they're copying it. They'll probably deny that they're copying it. And if you talk about it with them, they'll get annoyed and say, you're being unreasonable, and it's not fair. And I'm nothing like my mother, right? Or I'm nothing like my father, but they'll copy them anyway, and you'll copy them, right? It's not just them. We're all going to just copy everything because this is going on very deeply, on a very unconscious level.
[00:22:09] So don't think, oh, this happens to everybody else and it doesn't happen to me.
[00:22:15] That's what I thought. Oh, I'm beyond all this stuff. This only happens to other people. Now, now, Michael, you're deluding yourself. Right? It's happened to you just as much as it is to anyone else. This is unconscious problems, unconscious programming.
[00:22:37] So not always. There's some people, they have exceptions. Some people, for whatever reason, it doesn't happen to them. But it's unusual. It's very common that we repeat our childhood programming. Very common, like 99% chances of it happening.
[00:23:00] So give thanks and praise that you're being liberated from something that wasn't good for you. Make sure you don't do it again by seeing it clearly. And then get clear about what you want. Figure out a way of getting your needs met from multiple sources so that there's an abundance for you.
[00:23:17] And you're going to feel better than ever. Right. And you'll be freed from these things as long as you don't go back into the same thing again and again and again. So just be really careful. People have told me, Michael, you're an idiot, and you need to make sure you don't do that again.
[00:23:37] And I've come to terms with the fact that there are certain unconscious programs at work that are more powerful than I'd like to realize, not just in me, but in all of us.
[00:23:52] And so it takes a lot of effort for us to focus on what we want and let that absorb into us. Right? Allow ourselves to absorb that experience, that move into that and enjoy this whole new phase of your life.
[00:24:20] All right? And the last thing, final thing, is don't have any negative thoughts for anyone else. I have love and blessings to everybody.
[00:24:28] Everyone in my life who's ever been in my life did the best they could and I did the best I could and we all sent love and blessings to each other. And I don't take any of this stuff personally and I'm not holding any grudges.
[00:24:40] Right? We just have to be aware of what we're dealing with and make sure we find ourselves in healthy situations. But I don't have any negative feelings and I recommend you don't have any negative feelings because resentment, negative feelings, all that brooding and ruminating is not healthy and doesn't help. So love, love and also caution, caution, caution and common sense and get your needs met, right?
[00:25:10] So let's end with that love, end with that good feeling, blessings, love yourself, love for others, and love for your future self becoming the highest version of you.
[00:25:29] All right, lots of love to you. Talk to you soon and I hope you come through this with ease and grace.
[00:25:40] Talk to you soon.
